


Right in the corner, watching you kiss her.

by DeanSwesson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sam-Centric, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 06:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11179173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanSwesson/pseuds/DeanSwesson
Summary: Sam angsting about his love for his brother





	Right in the corner, watching you kiss her.

My name is Sam Winchester, 26 years old, hunter, college dropout (not my choice) and i am in love with my brother.

He doesn't know that, hell, he still sees me as a little kid even though i am above 30 and way taller than him.  
Not only he doesn't know, but i am sure he thinks it's not possibile, who would ever think that?

I don't even know when it started, one day i woke up and boom, i saw him in a different way.  
I know, that's Dean, handsome, sexy, funny, weird jokes, nice attitude, he has the walk, the talk, he has everything women and probably men want. I get that, how can you not fall in love with Dean Winchester? the guy who looks so rough while he is an adorable fucker who still isn't able to admit he does things like cuddling?

All the women he has been with? there is one thing they'll never have, his devoted attention, his unconditional love...growing up with Dean has been a privilege, an honor.  
This life? it's hard. It's even worse than growing up with military upbringing, hell at least those kids have a home, something solid under their feet.  
Even more, growing up on the road going from motel to motel, with a distant almost absent father...Dean has been my everything, sure he is my brother, but he has been a father and also a mother, he took care of me and i know he did it not only out of love but as a duty, he felt he was his job to protect me and raise me and with our almost absent father he had to step up.  
I owe him everything, he had to give up his lighter and joyful years to take care of me, doing everything he could to preserve my innocence, to let me be a kid just for a few more years before letting me into this terrible and cruel word.....i don't think many people would do that, hell i don't know if even i would be able to sacrifice my self for another human being.

So what i want for him? i want him to be happy, it kills me to watch him kissing and having sex with women, it breaks me up to the point i just wanna crumble, open a big worm hole to die in it. But it also makes me happy to see him smiling, you can see his smile reaching his beautiful green eyes. They say my smile lights up the room? well they have never seen Dean smiling and i love seeing that even if his smile is not directed to me, even if he is hugging and holding her hand planning to spend the rest of the evening with the warmth of her body. I get that... at the same time i want those things for myself and i want him to do that with whoever he wants. With whoever can bring more warmth in his heart and body.

They say love means wishing the best for the loved ones, even if they don't share their happines with you, even if all you get is to stay on the sideline without truly be a main character, true love is not always supposed to have a happy ending.  
That's what i want, i want Dean to be happy or to have something resembling happiness even for just a few hours before going back to the road towards another job.  
So yes i am willing to step down, play the role of the little brother for the rest of my life, Dean doesn't have to know about my feelings, he never will and that' s fine...i just want to be selfish for a few hours. Those hours on the road, when we share a motel room, hell even when we plan a hunt...in those hours Dean is mine. I can dream he is just mine and won't ever belong to anyone else. 

Mine.

Only mine.

Can i be selfish just for those few hours?

God, please, if you're there....answer me.

Can i?


End file.
